Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
