i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
