Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
