This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
