My sheets look like a crime scene.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
