i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
