What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
