i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
