So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
