she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My friends, they love my intelligence
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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