I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
