is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
