The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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