doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
