I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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