Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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