so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
