Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
