eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
