Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
