Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
