Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
