Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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