I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
