At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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