I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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