Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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