Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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