I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You were trust falling into bushes
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
