i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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