Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
