Screwed.edu
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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