is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
