We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
