dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
