SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
