I didn't shave. On purpose
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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