I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
