I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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