I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
