i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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