It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
