Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
