I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
