i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
