i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
