I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
