My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
