Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
