and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
